“This is true love. You think this happens everyday?” (Music swells) — William Goldman, the Princess Bride (1987)
Guten tag my fellow mammals, I trust that you have been having a pleasant week. It’s time for my Princess Bride review.
Content Warning: mild coarse language, mild violence, alcohol use
Rated P.G. by the Australian Board of Classification
THE SPOILER FREE SECTION
Spoiler Free Review
This movie is fantastic. I absolutely recommend it. One of my favourite movies, it’s nearly perfect. This section is short, because there’s not much I can say with out giving away the plot. Before reading the spoiler section, you should watch the film. It’s an amazing film. You’re going to here that sentence a lot, because this film justifies it’s continued usage.
Spoiler Free Summaries
“A heartwarming story where a grandfather uses a book to explain that torture is a sport.”
“Boy meets girl, boy is captured by pirates, girl is captured by terrorists, hi-jinks ensue.”
“A man helps his friend find work as a pirate.”
THE SPOILER SECTION
If you’re reading this, either you’ve seen the film, or, you’re deliberately disobeying me. All I can say to you is:
“Good soldiers follow orders” and “I would not do such things if I were you”. (Second quote altered for clarity.)
This movie is such fun. It is chocked full of hilarious dialogue, and amusing acting. This movie has very few flaws. So, lets get my problems with this movie out of the way, so we can focus on the many, many good things about this masterpiece.
The Flaws
I’m not a huge fan of Westley’s mild sexism. That’s kind of a flaw, but it could also just be a negative character trait.
Buttercup is kind of useless (I love the names so much), but also, kind of just a negative character trait.
Also, and I absolutely stole this criticism, the way Inigo is disarmed is really weird, he just loses all coordination and swings his sword about wildly.
Inigo knows that the scream from the Machine is the Man in Black with very little explanation.
The music score is too quiet, loud enough where it counts though.
Not really a criticism, but I can’t say “as you wish” to anyone without being weird because of this film.
The Bits I Like
THE CHARACTERS
The characters in this film are not deep, all of them are more or less just cliches, but I don’t care. They are all so funny.
Let’s be honest, we all love Obi-Wan Kenobi, but he’s just a poor man’s Westley. Both of them are highly trained warriors who will fight for what they believe in. They are both polite and yet sarcastic. Noble and skilled. Now imagine Star Wars with Westley. I need someone to write a Star Wars x Princess Bride fanfiction. If done well, I would read that everyday of the week.
We’ve covered the best swordsman in the world, now it’s time for the second best. His name is Inigo Montoya, you killed his father, so prepare to die. Inigo is perfection, he perfectly exemplifies the “warrior-seeking-vengeance” trope, while at the same time critiquing that same trope. Brilliant. His fight with Westley is extremely well done. Just had to awkwardly append that on the end there.
Buttercup is probably the least interesting character in the film. She’s basically a plot device, who moves around so the other characters can have a good time. I’m choosing to read her as a critique of female characters who’s only purpose is to function. If that’s the case than she fulfills that role very well. The thing about the Princess Bride, that it does things that in other films would feel lazy, but the Princess Bride feels very sincere and authentic in a weird sort of way.
Vizzini is comedy incarnate. Almost everything he says is hilarious. My personal favourite being, “You fool, you fell victim to one of the classic blunders, most famous is this: never get involved in a land war in Asia.” Classic dialogue. The battle of wits is also great. After doing some research on the battle of wits, the explanations for it are fascinating. The explanation for what Vizzini was doing can be found here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/3tgq4v/princess_bride_battle_of_wits_theory/cx6hyri/.
Fezzik is such a sweet heart. I’d hate to see him unemployed (in Greenland.) Cool guy, he truly has a gift for rhyme.
OTHER CHARACTERS
Humperdink is a coward, so is Count Rugen (the six fingered man). I like the Albino — “No one withstands the Machine.” Miracle Max and Valyrie are a priceless duo. The Impressive Clergyman is hilarious. Just watch the movie. It’s worth your time.
THE ACTION
This movie contains the greatest duel of all time. I cannot do it justice. Thankfully, justice has been done for me.
This video is good and breaks down the fight better than I ever could.
I’ll also mention the battle against the R.O.U.S.s in the fire swamp and the end battle against Count Rugen. I’d also be remiss to omit Westley’s battle with Fezzik. The action in this film is great.
THE MUSIC
Full soundtrack review soon. Worry not.
For now, I will say that the instruments playing the soundtrack sound very much like low quality samples (except for the guitar which is twangy), but the music itself feels sincere.
LET ME SUM UP
I love this movie. It’s not perfect, but it gets close. It’s a movie that works because it’s the actors getting together to have fun. They’re making fun of classic fantasy tropes, but it’s clear they love the tropes themselves. I can respect that.
If you’ve reached the end of this and haven’t watched this film yet, than the Six Fingered Man will suck one year of your life away.
See you round, hope you enjoyed this, hopefully it won’t read too rambley. See you soon.
Auf wiedersehen adieu,
I pray that this edition of the Samwise Gamgee Appreciation Club finds you well, and if not, than remember, God loves you, even if you don’t know it yet.
— Elijah
The Samwise Gamgee Appreciation Club 